The honeymoon is over...

Whenever a person moves to another country, they are bound to experience a wave of emotions and feelings about what they’re doing there, and about the new country in general. This is a natural reaction to learning to integrate in a new society, and may be a complete 180 of what you’re used to. Living abroad is an experience that encourages new world views, and increases adaptability and cultural curiosity. However, it also invites a sense of feeling a little lost. I have never lived in another country longer than four months, which is usually the timeline of the honeymoon period: a time when everything is new, fun and exciting.

The honeymoon is the first stage of culture shock, and is usually an overwhelmingly romantic and positive experience, loving new food, the pace of life, and local habits. While in Kediri, everything was an adventure, learning more about the culture was more fascinating than overwhelming. This is how people bathe? Cool, I can get down with that. They value community over independence? Okay, it’ll take some getting used to, but I’m down. Time is more fluid and people aren't usually on time? Alright, that’s probably my biggest pet peeve, but Peace Corps is about adaptability, and whatever, I’m a new person here. America Kayla would’ve hated that, but Indo Kayla is okay with it.

However, once the honeymoon time ended, after getting home from my Christmas trip to Pacitan, culture shock slowly showed its ugly face. I began to get bothered by both big and insignificant things. I can’t just wear a towel to the bathroom? I can’t find a f***king fork anywhere? My counterpart is nowhere to be found? Plans were cancelled and completely changed? People are pointing out how pointy my nose is again? Another photo? Another selfie? This is also when I, and other volunteers, come to the realization that this is life for the next two years.

Peace Corp has been sending volunteers abroad for over sixty years. The agency itself knows that 27 months of service will be difficult. The “Cycle of Vulnerability and Adjustment” chart, provided to us during PST, highlights the highs and lows of service in a convenient chart, from data taken from past volunteers. It gives a roundabout predication of PCV’s time during service:

Let's do this.

Peace Corps has it’s own projection of resiliency during service, and coincidentally, one of the first major “pits” of service included in the chart is happening right now. The first two weeks of January definitely were tough. I began to question literally everything about Indonesian culture from the "big picture" things to the minutia of everyday, especially school culture. Although it wasn’t my intention to judge a society that I am a guest of, it’s a natural reaction to learning to live in another country. Learning about classroom dynamics and how classrooms run was a shock, and although I had experience in Indonesian classrooms during training, experiencing it alone, as the only American there, was hard. To start, the first several days of school, classes didn’t really happen. Students came to school, but teachers didn’t go to class. Also, teachers are much more casual about time here. The bell will ring, but not one teacher moves a muscle to get to their class. Jam karet or “rubber time” is a subject that deserves its own blog post. Systems of discipline are also a stark contrast to that in America, and the way teachers talk about their students is also different. I obviously am not saying that every single teacher does this, but I have observed classes where my counterparts take part in teaching techniques that I would not agree with.

The teacher’s room is also an interesting place. I received my fair share of comments by both male and female teachers. My weight, my height, my skin, my skin color, my hair, my eyelashes, my wrists, my nose, the length of fingers, and the size of my feet have been commented on. Although I have enough self esteem to be able to talk about how I look, and deep-rooted standards of beauty here are attributed to the legacy of colonizers that look like me, the incessant comments about how I look broke me during my second week at school. Almost every volunteer deals with this in one way or another, directly or indirectly. However, although entirely okay in Indonesian culture, I explicitly explained what is and isn’t appropriate in American culture, so the comments have stopped for now.

A few ID11’s also expressed their first month at site to be the toughest times of service. I also don’t want this post to be taken as me complaining about service, either. I still love it, and everyday I feel more comfortable in country. Being here is a privilege. The uncomfortable situations and vulnerability are easily superseded by the warm and friendly people, and when people comment on me, or called me bule, I take it to be more out of curiosity and less about being rude or unfriendly. I do want to be as transparent as possible, though, and service isn’t all happy and good times as seen on social media. I am sometimes overwhelmed when people speak to me quickly in bahasa Indonesia, and my limited level of understanding sets me back when plans are attempting to be made. One example: I thought a few teachers were asking me to walk to their car with them… it turned out that a teacher had died the night prior and we were getting in the car to go his funeral. Going into your day with a plan or expectations is laughable.

Life here is very different than that in America, and as I integrate more into my community, it’ll be natural to question things that are the very opposite of what I grew up with. Although a culture is significantly different than that of your own, it is not grounds to judge or discriminate those who identify with it, and I think Americans need to remember that now more than ever. This isn’t for you to feel bad for me either, this is show you that culture shock is real, and there will be pits in service. But with that, there will be peaks, and there will be great times as well as not so great times. It’s better to be transparent about the good, as well as the bad, during service. This week as already been significantly better than last, and I already feel much better emotionally. “The hardest job you’ll ever love” couldn’t be truer. I’ve journaled almost every day while at site and it's hard to quantify how I feel after the day, since there are both highs and lows throughout. I’ve focused on listing what I’m grateful for. There's definitely much more to be grateful for... but the honeymoon is definitely over.

Illustration: Anna DeFlorian

Glossary

bule (boo-leh) - Indonesian word for foreigner, literally translates to albino

bahasa - language